


I wonder when I love me is enough

by gemgirl28



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Here is the middle ground option, In the debate of short hair vs long hair Zuko, Iroh wants Zuko to be happy, Katara is supportive, Light Angst, Mostly thought its Zuko growing, One Shot, Post-Canon, This was literally saved as another hair fic for a reason, Zuko cuts his hair, Zuko overcoming trauma, vague mentions of trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28776597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemgirl28/pseuds/gemgirl28
Summary: Ten years into his reign as Fire Lord, His Royal Highness Zuko put an end to the tradition of growing out one's hair as a status symbol.That was how history would see it, anyways.ORZuko cuts his hair because he can't stand how much he looks like Ozai.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 182





	I wonder when I love me is enough

**Author's Note:**

> In the great debate between short hair and long hair Zuko, our Zutara queen Hayley Foster found the perfect middle ground by saying "Por Que No Los Dos?" with Zuko cutting off his hair and growing it back out every few years. The idea took root in my brain, sprouted a plot, and said "Hey what if we make this about Zuko overcoming his trauma? Wouldn't that be fun????"
> 
> Thank you @hereforthezutarastuff for beta-ing!!! Have I told you lately how wonderful it is to work with you?

Ten years into his reign as Fire Lord, His Royal Highness Zuko put an end to the tradition of growing out one's hair as a status symbol.

That was how history would see it, anyways.

In reality, Zuko ended the tradition for a simple but painful reason: he despised how closely he resembled Ozai with his hair grown out.

Katara had found him crumpled up on the floor of their bathroom the first time, tears still running down his face. In one hand, he clutched a dagger. In the other, he held a fistful of his hair, erratically chopped from one side of his head. Without asking, Katara had sat on the cold marble floor and pulled Zuko into her arms. She held him until the tears stopped flowing, until his breathing became level, until he managed to find some semblance of calm enough to explain why he had broken down in their bathroom.

"It was easier-" Zuko whispered, cutting himself off to take a deep breath and try again. "It was easier in the first years of my reign. I still was so young… And the scar helps… It's why I've never grown out a beard." He paused again, counting to five as he inhaled, and counting down as he exhaled. He knew Katara understood enough to fill in the blanks of his incomplete ramblings.

"But now… Now that I'm older, I can't- I can't help but see him every time I look in the mirror. Or, every time I catch this side," he gestured to his unmarred check. Katara's grip on his waist tightened, as if she was trying to squeeze all the pain out of him.

"I just thought- I hoped if I cut my hair- maybe it wouldn't be so painful to look in the mirror anymore," Zuko choked out, tears streaming down his face again. Katara wiped away a few before carefully cupping the scarred side of his face.

"I don't think I need to remind you that no one compares you to him," Katara gently began, her soft voice reassuring to his aching heart. "You know how loved you are by your people, by our friends, by our family. But, if this is something you think will help, I'll support you. I'm here for you, always."

Zuko was a little surprised that new tears managed to fall. He wondered how he had not cried himself out yet. Perhaps the depth of his wounded past truly had no end.

Katara wiped away the fresh tears and gently pried the dagger from his hand, placing it on the counter behind them. She stood then and rummaged around in the cabinet, emerging with an armful of beauty supplies. Zuko let her pull him to his feet, gently guiding him to the stool she kept in front of the mirror.

"Let's give you a proper haircut, shall we?" Katara asked as she tied off the chunk of hair he had already chopped off. Zuko raised his eyebrow at her, an unspoken question on the tip of his tongue.

"Healer Muyi was looking for hair donations," Katara answered, running a brush through the rest of his black locks. "She was going to attempt to make a wig for one of her patients."

Zuko gave a tiny nod, the barest tilt of his head as Katara continued to work her hand through his hair. Slowly, inch by inch, he felt some of the tension melt from his shoulders under her touch. He closed his eyes, letting himself bask in the feeling of Katara's nails gently scraping against his scalp.

"You know, this will probably make your meetings more comfortable as well. Spirits, how many times have you almost passed out from heat exhaustion while Minister Yan drones on?" Katara's soft, soothing tone was the only thing keeping him from breaking down again. "You know, that reminds me, I was thinking we should have the tailor look at redesigning your formal robes. Something that looks less like armor would also be more comfortable in this heat. Honestly, I don't know how you stand it."

From the mirror, Zuko watched Katara's face scrunch up in concentration as she evened out his hair. He saw right through her idea, understanding her true motives for suggesting now of all times that he acquire new robes. He clenched his eyes shut as his heart stopped, a rush of affection for his wife overwhelming him.

"That sounds like a good idea," he choked out, "Maybe they would be ready in time for the summit in Ba Sing Se?"

Zuko opened his good eye to peek at his wife. She softly smiled when she caught his eye. "I think that's a great idea."

Zuko closed his eye and let himself relax further under his wife's touch. He enjoyed the silence, save for the _snip snip_ of her scissors, for a few moments.

"So how short are you thinking?" Katara asked. Zuko opened his eyes and studied the work she had done so far.

"I don't really know. I guess as long as you don't give me a wolf's tail, or shave it all off, then I trust your judgement."

"Oh? You don't want to match Sokka or Aang at the summit?" Katara teased, a coy smile tugging at her lips. Zuko rolled his eyes but grinned.

"Not particularly, no."

Katara hummed as she stepped back, walking around to study her work. One hand made its way into his hair, gently tugging a fistful.

"I do need to make sure I leave enough to grab hold of," she said, her voice low and eyes flashing. Zuko swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. Katara let go of his hair and walked in between him and the mirror.

"I think I could take it a bit shorter still, if that's ok with you?" Katara asked, serious about cutting his hair again. Zuko nodded, counting his breaths. Katara worked carefully, moving around him, snipping here and there until she was satisfied.

"There, all done," she declared. "What do you think?"

She stepped behind him to let him stand and move closer to the mirror. He turned his head, left and right, up and down, studying her work. The style reminded him of his hair after the first time he grew it out, when he was serving tea in his Uncle's shop.

"It's perfect," he said, drawing himself up to his full height and turning to face her. "I love it, thank you."

Katara beamed, stepping forward to wrap her arms around his waist. "Good, I'm glad."

"I just don't know what I'll do about the crown." Zuko frowned, waving in the direction of the offending item. Katara frowned, a small furrow creasing her brow, and Zuko instantly regretted bringing it up.

"Oh!" Katara exclaimed suddenly, brightening instantly. "Of course! We'll have Toph fix it!"

A hundred ways Toph could ruin his crown flashed through his mind, but he pushed them down. At the end of the day, he was certain she would help any way she could.

"Alright, let's go find her."

* * *

The council reacted about as well as Zuko could have expected. Katara made a point of attending all of his meetings for a week, her cool stare keeping anyone from voicing unfavorable comments on his new haircut. Zuko ignored any suggestions that his meeting rooms were unnaturally cold that week.

Two months later they stepped off an airship in Ba Sing Se. The modified comb held the crown steady in his short locks, and his new robes felt less like a burden and more like a second skin. Katara held his arm as they descended the gangplank to find his Uncle waiting.

"Master Katara," Uncle said, bowing deeply before pulling her into a warm hug.

"Hello Uncle," she returned, smiling warmly as she asked about his tea shop.

"Surely you have an hour of free time in between your meetings to join me for a cup of tea? You can see the shop yourself!" Uncle decided. Katara squeezed his arms before stepping back.

"Of course, Uncle," Zuko spoke up. Iroh shifted his gaze to Zuko, his eyes widening as he took in his new look. A myriad of emotions washed over his features, sadness, confusion, before settling into confusion. Zuko blinked and Iroh had schooled his features, his warm smile sliding back into place.

"Fire Lord Zuko," Iroh addressed him formally, bowing deeply. Zuko quickly pulled him up into a hug.

"After what you put up with on my ship all those years ago, I believe you have more than earned the right to drop the title," Zuko teased. It was an old argument at this point, one he had long given up his chances of winning. Iroh chuckled, stepping back to study Zuko once more.

"Ah, but a respectable man deserves a respectable title," Iroh said, drawing his hands inside his sleeves. "Do you have some time now? I've got a new brew that I believe would be quite refreshing after your long trip."

"I think we have a little time," Katara said, glancing up at Zuko as she locked her arm in his. He nodded, calling over his shoulder at his scheduler.

"Clear our afternoon, we'll meet King Kuei after tea."

* * *

Zuko did not mean to eavesdrop on Katara and his Uncle's conversation. He tried his not to overhear his wife describe how she found him broken down on their bathroom floor, half of his hair in his hand. He did his best to focus on the tea he was brewing, choosing to ignore Iroh's sniffles.

"For a moment, it was like we were back on the ship after his banishment. I don't want him to be that person anymore. He's worked so hard to overcome so much," Iroh confessed, wiping away his tears. Katara offered him a handkerchief, which he accepted with a smile.

"I think he needs this," Katara said, "I think he needs to see that no matter what how much he might look like _him,"_ she spat the last word, "they're nothing alike."

"Perhaps you're right," Iroh mused, "we often cannot see the truth before us until we are ready to open our eyes to it."

"I'm also trying to encourage him to speak to someone," Katara added. "I don't think it would hurt to have a neutral opinion."

Zuko could hear the smile in his Uncle's voice without chancing a glance at the table where they sat, pretending to play Pai Sho. "I think that's a wonderful idea. My nephew is lucky to have you."

A beat, then, "I think we're lucky to have each other."

* * *

It took time, but eventually Zuko let his hair start to grow back out. He forced himself to stare in the mirror each day, to adjust to his appearance as his locks lengthen.

Katara was, of course, nothing but supportive. "Keep it short or grow it back out, I don't care," she offered one day after noticing him sighing over his appearance. "As long as there's enough for me to grab hold of," she whispered in his ear, suddenly close to him, "I'm happy." One of her hands worked its way into his hair, tugging back firmly.

Zuko fought the shiver that wanted to run down his spine. "Is that all that matters?" Zuko teased back, but it came out far more serious than he intended. The hand in his hair immediately disappeared, and Katara stood in front of him. She reached up and cupped his face, her cool touch soothing away his nerves.

"You know I'll support whatever makes you feel best," she said before leaning up to kiss him. He let out a soft sigh, wishing not for the first time that he could keep Katara in their room all day.

"I know. I love you," he sighed.

"I love you, too."

* * *

When Zuko cut off his hair, it was Katara that reminded him he needed to issue a royal proclamation. "Tradition says it's dishonorable to cut your hair, right?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer. Zuko nodded in acknowledgement. "Well, issue a formal statement. No one should be shamed for cutting their hair. Tie it into the peace initiative. You're leaving behind a hundred years of war, and, with it, a rather outdated tradition."

Between the two of them they crafted a more eloquent, official version of Katara's statement. It still took two years for Zuko to see the effects of his speech on his people.

One night, Katara and Zuko spent an evening at the Royal Theater. A new trope was performing a revival of "Love Amongst the Dragons". Zuko reserved a private box for them, eager to share a good performance of his mother's beloved play with Katara.

As they entered the theater, Zuko's narrowed his focus to finding their seats, but Katara's eye was caught by something else.

"Look Zuko," she whispered, "All the men. They've cut their hair like you."

Zuko froze, his attention finally directed to their fellow theater attendees. Zuko's heart began to race, an unfamiliar rush of excitement running through his veins.

"You don't think… because of me?" He asked, mentally counting the heads with shorter hair styles.

"I do," Katara said, squeezing his arm. "Imagine how much cooler they must all feel in the summer."

Zuko let out a short bark of laughter. "I don't have to imagine. I know. I think I might cut my hair again, actually, before the summer."

Katara reached up and brushed a strand of his shoulder-length hair behind his ear. It was an incredibly intimate gesture for such a public setting by Fire Nation Royal standards, but Zuko loved it. His heart would never stop skipping when she touched him.

"If you wait another year you would have enough to donate for another one of Muyi's wigs," she said, "But I understand if you don't want to wait."

Zuko found his feet were moving again, and he successfully directed them to stairs that would take them to their seats. "I'll think about it."

* * *

Zuko did wait another year to cut his hair again. Muyi had expressed how thrilled her last patient was, to have a wig from the Fire Lord himself.

He found that the length of his hair no longer bothered him. Where three years before he saw his father in the mirror, now he could see himself. He no longer felt shame or fear when he caught his reflection. Pride now thrummed in his veins as he catalogued the features that were distinctly his own, like the color of his eyes or the slant of his jawline.

(It certainly did not hurt that his drop-dead gorgeous wife told him every night that he was attractive, in both her words and her actions.)

This time, Katara cut her hair with him, promising to donate her locks with his. Instead of a hasty job in their bathroom, Katara booked a double appointment for them in the royal spa.

As the stylist worked, Zuko felt a weight lift from his shoulders. Last time he cut his hair on impulse, repulsed by his own reflection. This time felt more like the choice was his, like he was in control.

As he watched the stylist finish Katara's hair, he reflected on that feeling. It wasn't entirely new, but still unfamiliar enough. Each day it felt a little more like him, a little more like he was in control of his life. Bit by bit, piece by piece, he had put himself back together.

He smiled softly, watching as Katara oohed and aahed over her new hairstyle. "Do you think the kids will like it?" She asked, catching his eye in the mirror. Zuko nodded, moving to stand behind her. He carefully wrapped a strand of her chin-length locks around two fingers.

"Beautiful," he whispered. She beamed at him, standing to turn and face him.

"So are you," she whispered.

And for the first time in a long time, he believed her.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for feedback!! Also, if you enjoyed this, go shower @hereforthezutarastuff with some love on tumblr. She deserves all of it. <3
> 
> And while you're there say hi @gemgirl28


End file.
